I haven’t posted in a while but I wanted to share a journal entry from September 22, 2026:
I quit yesterday.
I’m really proud of myself.
I think the younger me would have tried to hold on longer.
When I got the job, I thought, “how serendipitous! I’m so thankful! A job proposal just a week after receiving my provisional residency. I’m finally just now allowed to work too! It felt like it aligned so perfectly.
But, I think sometimes these opportunities are there to show you how much you’ve grown. Sometimes these opportunities don’t mean you should fight and stay just because a path has emerged before you as if miraculously gifted to you.
While I’m disappointed by the turn of events, I know I’ve grown so much. I’ve grown to recognize and reject my own maltreatment.
I’m reminded of my job at SKULLY where my determination to prove my worth overwrote my self worth. I buried the stress. I let the vomiting continue and continue. I went back day after day, starting at 7:30 or 8 AM and not leaving until 10 or 11 PM. I was scolded. Scolded for wanting, needing, to go home. I was shunned even after being attacked on the street.
Now—
Now I know.
You don’t blame a seedling for wilting under the scorching sun.
You don’t blame it.
You don’t shame it.
You don’t kick or stomp on it.
You move it.
I’ve never quit a job before and damn—
It felt good.
Choosing yourself.
Choosing me.
What I did learn during my time two weeks there was I’m capable.
I’m capable of going in front of a class of 36+ eyeballs and teaching.
Public speaking was never something I ever considered something I could do.
I’m really proud of myself for finally sticking up for myself.
Why is sticking up for yourself, so much more difficult than sticking up for others?
Good job Rex!
I am brave. I am attentive. I am kind. I am caring. I am compassionate…
I am kind to myself.
Wow…
Change is possible.
Healing is possible.
I was looking at an old photo, a side-by-side of me pre-transition…
The weight gain… my sad eyes…
I remember absolutely hating that photo.
Hating that person.
Now, I look at it and think,
“Wow, she was really beautiful.
She’s not me, but she’s really cute.
I don’t recognize her because she both is and isn’t me.
The old photos still make me feel uncomfortable,
Dysphoric.
But it’s so incredibly interesting…
Now I am able to see what others saw and was is clearly obvious.
Be kind to yourself—
Always.